Repost from MySpace

They say you can't make a person change; he has to *want* to change. I kind of feel obligated to do *something*, though, if only for shitty "selfish" reasons. See, during seventh grade I wound up separating with all (and I mean *all*) of my former friends because they were involved with similar asshattery; if you know (or know of) one Elena Pagliuca, realize that she was my first and bestest friend ever, and contrast where *she* is now with where *I* am now. The same goes for the rest of 'em. I've always been ashamed that I hadn't stepped up and, I dunno, snapped them out of it somehow, or staged some kind of intervention or something. I’ve never been one to have a huge circle of friends, but rather content myself with knowing that I’d be perfectly certain to dive in front of an incoming train to protect those whom I do know.

So now it's seventh grade all over again-- I'm going somewhere where there's a great possibility I'll never have to talk to the party in question again (college in this case, high school formerly) and thus have a decent excuse for throwing in the towel. HOWEVER, further complicating matters (as if shitty pseudo-guilt weren't enough) is the fact that I've known Jake for almost four years now; I met him through a mutual friend when I used to hang out in front of the middle school during my very friendless eighth grade, and he has inexplicably tagged along after me since then (and I was admittedly a shitheel for the most part to him for the first two years-- I was flighty and depressed and jaded with people, but he could hold a conversation with a mime and I was always a good listener).

So, as the only constant in my social circle for the past since-it-has-mattered, and as the person who ultimately taught me to lighten up and get over myself (not in those terms, of course :P), Jake’s sort of ingrained himself in my psyche, I guess (ß lulz, shut up self). And I have no idea how appeal to the not-idiot hiding behind his recent fucktardery (“I won’t get caught lolz!”)-- do I say “whatever” and stay friends with him, while at the same time pretty much reenacting the past, or do I answer honestly with a “THAT‘S WHAT YOU SAID LAST NOVEMBER, ASSHOLE. AND NOW YOU’RE ON PROBATION”, and almost definitely ruin anything we’ve got going on right now? Christ. I vacillate between being seriously fucking smitten with the kid (no one believes me, and I don’t blame them one fucking bit, but honestly he’s a real gentleman when he wants to be) and wanting to seriously slap some sense into him.

So yeah. Negative human emotions and negative human behavior (I never fucking swear, and usually the idea of puking my guts up where somebody [read: {general} you] can see it is horrifying to me) and negative human *health* since I spend way too much of my time worrying about a kid who’s apparently dead-set on screwing himself over. I don’t know what to think.